Oh, Halloween, how I hate you!!!!

I use to be such a big fan of the holiday.  Really, I was.  I would relish in the costume process.  I loved every second of it!  We would pick out the coolest costumes and dress the boys up and take them to visit the family and then trick or treat and just love every second.

Then, we became homeowners.  The Head Honcho thinks we should stay home and hand out candy.  We live in a pretty decent development so he figures we are withholding the loot from the little neighbor kids.  Well, last year was our first year here, and we had 50ish kids.  Now I am certain 50 kids do not live in the immediate area.  I am aware that people bring their kids in their rusted out minivans and drive them, block to block.  This is what ruins Halloween for me.  Stay in your own hood or at the very least, WALK!!! Park at the church behind my house and walk the 3/4 of a mile through the neighborhood.  Not only are people lazy for free candy, they are also greedy.  Here are the top 5 memories from Halloween 2010 (or soon to be renamed...the reason my kids will no longer trick or treat)

1. 60+ year old woman trick or treating at my home before dark--While still eating a 'family dinner' an eldery lady walks up to the door with 3 teenagers.  She promptly says to Head Honcho "Trick-or-treat".  Head Honcho who is mad he is now not eating his hot McRib Rib dinner says "aren't you a little old for this?" Her reply "Nope! I am trick or treating for my three grandchildren" And shoves three pumpkins in his face.  His answer "Sorry, we don't even have anything ready" and closed the door in her face.  Seriously?  You are trick or treating for your grandkids?  Go get them a freaking candy bar!! You are the new reason that there will be a sign at the end of the driveway next year... One bucket, one kid, one piece of candy.  No siblings home sick, no grandma's trying to be the hero.  One bucket, one kid, one piece of candy.

2.  Babies trick or treating--I wound up taking the two Biggest to their friends' house in the 'popular' development.  Like popular as in the police block of streets and stuff.  The swag in our hood is going downhill, and they would rather go out with friends and have fun.  I like to go hang out with a pretty cool lady and her sometimes funny hubby so it is a win.  Well, because they are in a 'known halloween hotspot' they get all of the 'good ones'.  Tops is Babies who can't even look in the right direction on demand.  Yet, their (most of the time teen) parent walks up with them on their hip they tell them to say 'trick or treat'.  Yep, that ain't happening Mom.  How about an award for you instead of candy for the 4 month old.  A Mom of the year Award.  It is 40 degrees out and you have your infant out begging for candy.  Get a clue...you aren't fooling anyone.  Baby isn't going to say Trick or Treat and the candy is really for you!! We know...this is the only way to get candy.  Next year, you will be receiving Enfamil samples and binkys.  Enjoy!!

3.  Teens trick or treating--This one really burns me up.  IF they are not good kids.  I am under the assumption that Big Kid and Buddy behaved, were polite, and gracious.  If they weren't they would be DEAD!! I am sure they horsed around with friends.  That is their nature.  They feed off from each other.  I am pretty positive they weren't like Stoner Steve or Greedy Greta that came to Cool Friend's house.  Stoner Steve couldn't even look at Cool Friend.  He put his hands out like he was at communion and looked somewhere in the distance for his line.  As she put the candy in his hands he turned his back, opened the package, and ate the candy bar.  That is the one we should have put razors in.  Put his poor parents out of the misery of raising this boy!!!  While Stoner was taking care of his candy Greedy Greta moves up in line, Cool Friend drops a candy bar in her bag.  She replies with Can I have a snickers instead?  Cool "what? What did I give you?"  "A milky way" "no, all I have is snickers, you are rude go away" Seriously...how about a thank you?  If they were at all related to me...Stoner and Greedy would be standing in a corner for hours.

4.  Dumbfounded Kid--This kid was a riot!! He was some kind of dragon-ish thing.  Cool Friend says "awh, who are you?"  Dumbfounded kid looks at her confused, rips the hood off and says "Zachary Jones" Cool was dying hysterical, the Dumbfounded Dad is dying hysterical and Dumbfounded Kid goes... "Trick or Treat"  His Dad says he is the evil dragon from Sleeping Beauty.  Dumbfounded Kid just turns around disgusted that Cool didn't recognize him.

5.  Cost--Halloween isn't what Halloween is because it is cheap.  Add up the costs... Costumes for the kids...$19x2 and $95 for one.  $4x3 for the bags of candy.  $20x3 for the co pay for the dentist.  $20x3 for the certain cavities that will arise. $10 for the snacks for school.  $10 for the little prizes we will certainly have to have.  $20x2 for the halloween jammies that we HAVE to have!! $15x5 for the Halloween teeshirts we also HAVE to have.  Nope next year it will be a bag of candy per kid,  a dinner out and call it a day.

OOPS!! Just remebered a runner up for #6...I am forced to dress up for work...enough said!!!